Turn Turn Turnabout
Previously: In Which I Accidentally the Whole Guild
Themesong: Losing My Religion by R.E.M.
Arriving back at the warehouse after one monster of a going away ceremony and being read out of Fairy Tail… they have a whole ceremony for it… it’s pretty passionate. There are three rules. The first two are standard security NDA stuff… but the third… ah… that’s pretty nice; “Though our paths may have diverged, you must continue to live out your life with all your might, you must never consider your own life to be something insignificant, and you must never forget about your friends who loved you “… see? Nice? A little wordy, but it gets the point home. Reads a bit better in Japanese… anyway, arriving back at the Warehouse, I glanced over at the machines… and swore. “Three Blind Jumps in a Row? Is this screw with SJ’s Genre Savvy Century?.”
Zane looked over and grunted, “Supernatural? Bit vague isn’t it? Something generic like Great Detective?”
I shook my head. “No… crappy monster of the week tv show… like Charmed except with gay vibe brothers… Dean and… fuck… Sam? Maybe? They drive around in a car and kill monsters or some shit. I’ve seen like… 2 minutes of one episode before realizing it was bollocks.”
“So we’re going in with no information besides what we can glean from the Screen Text?”
“Looks like. On the plus side, this is modern day Earth. We might be able to pick up more media that might be in a Jump.”
“Assuming all copyrighted material in this world isn’t totally different.”
“Assuming that, yes.”
I looked over at the machine… the wheel was for location… but aside from Purgatory, all the other choices were in the American Midwest. Definitely wasn’t worth wasting 100 Choice Points on something that minor, so I spun the wheel and ended up in Chicago… the Five Monster Families playground… whoever they were.
Next up is Origins and here I almost ate my damned tongue… two 300 point origins that are frankly terrifyingly bad choices and two 600 point origins that are almost too good to be true… Angel isn’t half bad… but requires a host vessel for full power… and Pagan God… wow… this show is really damned Christian… still… no way can I pass up the chance to be a Pagan God [600/400/1000].
I promptly proclaim myself to be Skadi, the Norse Goddess of Winter (and Skiing… and Justice)…. Though I did consider making myself Sun Wukong since I have all these fabulous fire monkey powers…. But winter was my first love… aside from my dog. Best dog… that was before I discovered ferrets though. I rolled the dice for age and got… 960… oy… that was going to be a lot of skiing memories. Being a God… and that solved potential questions re: Gozer… gave me not one, not two, but three free perks… not the least of which was Immortality (You are immune to the ravages of time and mortal sickness. You will never grow old beyond your ideal human age. This does not stop you from assuming older or sickly disguises. Unless violence or accident occurs, you will live forever.).
The other two were “Virgin Detector” (a sixth sense that does exactly what it says on the tin and is never wrong.) and “In My Name You Pray” the ability to offer a blessing to a person or place so long as someone performs an offering to me. The blessing must always be the same and an appropriate sacrifice must be paid in order for me to bestow the gift. Most often these offerings are required yearly to retain the magic…. That required thought and I took several days deciding that those who lit a bonfire to me during any night of the deepest days of winter, would be blessed with protection from heat for the next year and any place thus consecrated would maintain winter’s deep chill even on the hottest day.
Pagan Gods also gained discounts on “Force of Nature” (Winter itself is at your beck and call, as you have claimed authority over it. You can generate some of it on command and cause natural sources of it to act as you wish.) and “Trickster” (the ability to conjure something from nothing, including minor monsters with a personality you design for them. Living things will not truly have souls and only act based on behaviours you designate. You require lots of sugar to recharge this power.)… both of them for the rock bottom cost of 200 each. A steal, even if that did run me down to nothing. x2 (0/1000)
That meant it was time to go hunting for Drawbacks, unless I wanted to call it quits with what I had. Still, I hadn’t checked for companion imports… So I decided to do that first. There wasn’t a group import option… but rather a single Monster, Hunter, Demon, and Angel companion creation / import option. The angelic one was tempting, and I offered it to Zane, despite the sky high price. He wasn’t impressed by the teleportation ability, since being able to Apparate did exactly the same thing, and the Possession ability (which required permission) was both creepy and kind of useless. I agreed.
He did say he’d take the Hunter Import, if I was offering. I nodded. “Sure, why not. I can put up with two hundred points of DB. Road Trip!” We high fived. For my  (-200/1000) Zane got Weapon Training (You’re competent with melee weapons and firearms alike, able to use most basic varieties easily and more complicated or improvised items with less trouble than others.), Crime Pays (You have a widely varied skillset that helps you earn cash through illegal channels. Lockpicking, Carjacking, Credit Card Fraud, even simply cheating while gambling are easier for you.), and Poker Face (You have few tells and can easily spot what moves others will make. This makes it easy for you to detect monsters and other demons and use their instincts and reflexes against them. It also offers keen insight into the psychology of people and former-people alike.).
I chuckled at his choices… “Didn’t want the perk that actually relates to Hunting?” I drawled, to which he responded “Naw… doesn’t carry over to later jumps. It’s mostly just info on the monsters of the Americas. We can research that if we really need to do some actual hunting.”
“As opposed to?”
“Demon slaying? Skiing for 10 years? Bringing about apocalypse early?”
I chuckled. “Wow… that wouldn’t be very nice of us.”
“We’ve saved the world plenty of times. We could totally play the badguys and let it all burn-”
I patted his shoulder. “You are mental.”
“You love me for it.”
His import would also get him copies of any Hunter Gear I picked up, so I looked through the list. The only thing I could imagine needing at all was the limitless supply of salt… or rather two limitless supplies… but did anyone really need that much salt? I could just pull salt from seawater or from the warehouse… it was just salt. I did make a mental note to load up several tons of rocksalt and table salt…. Just in case. That it was on offer implied it might be important.
I did note that I could buy Mjolnir for 200… and laughed. I could use an artifactual lightning weapon. “A truly devastating weapon belong to the Norse God Thor. Tremendously powerful in the hands of electrically inclined pagan gods and it can even incapacitate other pagan gods with a single blow… Some lesser gods might be killable with a well placed blow.” but I was already 200 over. I had to balance the books before I spent more.
All three of the low level Drawbacks were flavor and little more “Room For Two?” [+100] would make everyone assume Zane and I were lovers and we’d be forced to deny it and plagued by the creep factor of it all. That was doable so that got me halfway back to black. Busty Asian Beauties [+100] would make me a obsessive perv, but that wasn’t much of a change, so I had little trouble taking it, which got me back to even. I could take Whiny, a drawback that made me… well… Rarity… but all it would get me is Salt. If I wanted Mojo, I’d need something with more oomph.
The 200 point drawbacks were no fun; a Drama spike, a Watch What You Eat spike, and an addiction to Demon Blood. No thanks. The 300 pointers made me an enemy of Heaven, Humanity, or Hell. I considered just settling for even… but a bit of soul searching told me I was going to get on Hell’s bad side regardless (not that I suspected the Angels of Heaven were much less of dicks), considering that demons are assholes, so I might as well take Enemy of Hell [+300] and get points for it. Flying under the radar when the fate of the world is on the line isn’t my gig.
That got me enough to get Mjolnir and Salt… but one of the lines from Enemy of Hell bugged me… Demons could possess my Allies. I could purify them, of course, but not before they caused… mischief. But there was an Item that blocked demonic possession… “Matching Tattoos”  (-100/1600) (a Guaranteed Method to ward off demonic possession. Where normally an anti-demon tattoo could be burned off or marred in some way, this one will last just as long as your body does. You can bestow this same tattoo onto allies as well, if you want to.)…
I wasn’t absolutely certain it would block possession in this setting if I took the Drawback… the drawback didn’t say anything about nullifying defenses… but it would be good going forward… especially since I could slap one of these things on any ally, not just a companion. I wasn’t going to give up Mjolnir for it, but I could cope with being a Whiny brat for a decade if it helped in the future.
That just left Ahab and Joy. I couldn’t stop them from importing, even if I wanted to, without another deal with the guy upstairs, but I could hint strongly that this might not be the best jump to come into. Didn’t work, of course. Action Junkies, the pair of them. They came in as Hunters, the go to default of this setting. Which netted them Weapons Training (largely redundant), an EMF Meter to detect ghosts or whatever, an Iron Crowbar with which to beat up ghosts, an easily concealed Handgun (as if we didn’t have simply buckets of those), a Shotgun, a set of Fake IDs, and a Silver Knife… to make with the stabbing.
Four years! Four Fucking years. That’s how long it took me to make any god damned logical sense of the pantheonic clusterfuck that the mythology of this world is. Seriously, God apparently caged his sister “The Darkness” to create the world, then sealed her away inside the mark of Cain… which he gave to Lucifer, his most trusted angel… who got corrupted by it… only now God’s missing, Lucifer & Michael are plotting to bring about the motherfucking Apocalypse because why the hell not, and half the remaining Pagan Gods (And boy howdy are we fucking easy to kill in this universe, I’m wearing my armor all the time here and pulling like Zero punches any time anything supernatural looks at me crosseyed) are plotting against Lucifer… though some of these dipshits are planning on betraying each other to settle old grudges or because they think these two angelic fucks won’t betray them in turn. Morons.
Fucking Hell has a goddamned revolving door, Lucifer will break free any damned day now, and God is AWOL… oh, and haven’t heard word one about Mohammed or Jesus, so the show’s kinda a dick to the mythology it’s backing too. And these Archangels are turdfaced yahoos too.
Which goes a long way to explain why I’m in New York City watching the ball get ready to drop, on New Year’s Eve with Vivian primed to hijack every TV and Net Feed across the damned planet. I’ve decided to play this all on one roll of the damned dice, one massive fuck you that should never work, but since the supernatural in this world is objective fact, I can do this shit. I have the power.
See, way back in Civ, I bought the power to say things as they are, to speak truth and remove everyone’s blinders. So that’s what I’m going to do. Fuck secrecy. Fuck a war as old as time. Fuck keeping people in the dark. As the ball drops, I step up onto the podium, booting some idiot celebrity off with a kick and turn to face the crowd. I dial up the glamor to 15.
“Hello people of Earth. My Name is Skadi. I am the Goddess of Winter. That’s a fact. Watch as I freeze these nice policemen into statues. Don’t worry, they’re not dead. Watch as I make it snow… and make it stop. See? Goddess. All those other gods? Real. All of them. Oh, and the Archangel Michael and Lucifer are planning on bringing about the end of the world just to prove, once and for all, which of them loves Big G God more. They don’t even vaguely care about you mortals. Not even a little, except as tools or toys or vessels. Yes. Angels possess mortals just like Demons. Yay! You’re meat suits, don’t you feel good?
Oh, and to us Gods, you’re a source of power. We barely care about you either, except when we’re eating you or raping you or just making fun of you. See this? Watch as I create Paris Hilton and Justin Beiber and make them punch each other. I told you, I’m a goddess. But don’t worry… there are also monsters out there to kill you all, eat you up like snacks… yeah, they’re real too.”
I paused, grinning a grin that said I hate you all, each and every one of you. “But here’s the thing. It’s all a power game. It’s all about faith. And I’m speaking the absolute truth to you right now… all of you who are listening to my words… It doesn’t even matter if you speak English, because all I have to do is speak the truth. So here’s the truth. If you give me all your faith, all the faith you’ve ever wasted on these misanthropic, power mad fucknuggets, all the worship they’ve lied over and over and over again to get you to give to them… I’ll do my damnedest to stop them… oh, and I’ll even try and fix global warming for you? How’s that sound… oh, and if you want to sacrifice anyone to me… I like Priests. Especially the ones who preach hate and fear and tell you that if you give them money or murder someone for them they’ll make sure you get into heaven. I also really like Rapists, Criminals, and oppressive dictators. So, go kill them too.”
No Gods or Kings? Ha! In this world there were gods… and human biases had obscured the truth for so long… but Truth… ah… Truth… Truth shall set us free… and… I hope I never, ever… get to feel a rush like that again. I didn’t know how long it would last, but for the next little while, I had the faith of billions of very very betrayed people all lusting for revenge against the powers that be. Demons popped up like jack in the boxes, Angels swooped from the sky, Monsters boiled out of every dark space… and I showed them the power of a really pissed off humanity, acting as a conduit, paying back ages of abuse and neglect and sacrifice… I Erased them all… My power sunk deep into the fabric of this world and I scrubbed the Powers that Be away in one mounting wave of anger.
I tapped into the souls in Hell, the souls of purgatory, all the collective rage of the human race and asked them if they’d surrender their existences to get revenge against an uncaring and brutal God… and they did… Such insanely massive power… no one should have it… no one at all… So I gave it to God… Finding him was childsplay with that much power. I gave it all to him, and with it a sense of just how monumentally he’d abused his power, his post, his sacred trust.
And then I fixed Global Warming… and erased everyone’s memory of what had just happened. That’s the great thing about that power… and the terrible thing. I can change the past, but changing it won’t make anyone who wasn’t dead dead… and it won’t bring anyone who was killed back… and now there were no monsters… no demons… no angels… there were no gods but me… and no one knew I existed. Except my friends.
“Did you just… change the Paradigm of this world?”
“Ayup. It sucked… I want icecream.”
Next: World 30 – Hack the Gibson