World 6: The Elder Scrolls

10,000 Tankards

Previous: Jump #5

Themesong: Raise Your Glass by Pink

Woke up the next morning in my bed, in my warehouse, feeling… at a loss. Went down stairs… at a loss. Stared at the Elder Scrolls Font on the Vending Machine of Destiny and siigghed. “When the hell is this? Skyrim? Daggerfall? Morrowind? Oblivion? The first one… Arena? Or is this ESO? Fuckit, lets get this overwith.”

Drop-In? No… I don’t want to be myself right now. Mage? Done that. Thief? In Tamriel? Screw that. Merc it is then. [100] Martial Training, Weapon of Choice, Light, Medium, or Heavy Armor. Always wanted to learn the Bow. Light Armor.. Small House, Bag of Septims. Next!

Race? Well, kinda want to be a Khajiit but Argonian could be cool… or Elf. Fuckit, I’ll roll the… spin the… Really? A One Armed Bandit for Race? Freaking Comedians here. Oh, for fuck’s sake, Nord? Nord? I’ve been fair skinned and fair haired through… ah fuck it. I’ll pay the cost to choose a race. Grumblegrumble. If I wanted to be a damned Nord I’d have gone to skyrim. I’m gonna be a damned Argonian so I can fucking breath under fucking water. Oh… never mind, apparently I only had to spin the RaceBandit if I wanted to or if I was a Drop-In. So where do I end up? I swear to… hmmm… Talos… if I end up in Skyrim Imma punch somebody. Summerset Isles. Fabulous. Altmer and grassland as far as the damned eye can see. Birthsign… hmmm…. Oh good, this one is free. The Tower sounds cool “You may open any lock with a touch once per day and possess the natural ability to detect enchantments!” Why thank you strangely deep mental voice.

Skills and abilities: Amphibious is free for Argonian. Yay.Disease Resistant is free too! Yay… I’m already immune. Athlete is free for Mercenary… Run as fast as humanly possible and as far as humanly possible… but I’m not human… and I can do that already… so slight boost there probably. Poison Immunity… excellent. Would have helped when Padfoot freakin tranqed my ass. Doesn’t stop booze or fun stuff… huh. [200] Progress… you pick up new skills quickly and improve quicker than is usual through practice, seeing considerable gains from your efforts… yeah, okay [300]… that’s quick math… 700. Shehai… spirit sword… only 300? Maybe, I’ll come back to it.

Gear and shit: Hail Companion. What would I be without Zane? Good old Zane. Alone… with my thoughts. Wait… what the heck… My Favorite Drinking Buddy… The God of Booze and Bad decisions is my friend and we go drinking all the time? oh, that sounds so very very bad. I must have it! [-300]. And [300] for the sword made out of spirit. And [50] for Zane the man… and [150] so he can pick up some skillzzz. And 100 for Highborn, because more magicka good… And Diplomat, because good prices are good and making people see reason is reasonable.

Let’s see what we hook Zane up with now. Race, Identity, Freebies, 500 points of skills. Cool. Make the Doggy a kitty… errr Khajit Thief! Total stereotype there. Comes with Locking-picking, pick-pocketing, sneaking. Dagger. Understanding of Tamriel’s cities. Whispering Fang Style Kung Fu is free. Acrobat is free. Critical is half price [100], Poison Immunity [200], Highborn [100], Dragonskin [100]

Seems set. I push the button.

You know that sensation when you wake up and it’s the next morning and you honestly can’t remember what the hell happened last night… that was this entire decade. Fuuuck. I was hammered to the back of beyond. If there was a strange place to wake up, I woke up there. If there was a petty, annoying, or deeply embarrassing crime I could be accused of committing… I probably did it. Is there any coherent plot to what transpired over the decade? Not even vaguely. Okay, okay. I wasn’t drunk the whole time. Just… like 5 nights out of 7… and even with needing only 4 hours sleep and having hupersuhman… superhuman… superargonian constitution… I was… I drank a lot. One month, some time in the first year, we decided to try having a drink in every wine shop, public house, and brewer in the city. I don’t rememember which one. It was a city. That’s what matters.

So we did that. Open, closed, burned down in a suspicious fire, buried deep in the catag… cagta.. Burial chambers beneath the streets… We hit them all. Even ones that hadn’t existed… existed for centuries. And then we decided that we had to do the whole Island… that took longer. Some people tried to stop us. I may… may… have used a plasma rifle on them. I don’t remembner. I lost track of Zane around the fourth city… but he showed up again to help get me out of jail in the… something higher than 5.

I can safely say that… whatever the world shaking danger was… I didn’t do it. I don’t think. Also… don’t think I stopped it. Zane might have… dunno. Heh. I got really good with a bow. And the pointy things. I can hit… like… any target you name… from pretty much anywhere… with… like all the booze in the galaxy in me.

I may have accidentally assassinated the Emperor. Don’t membrener…

WORLD 6: Post World

Oh. My head. “ZAAAANE! Why the hell are there tens of thousands of Tankards floating in my drydock?”

“You said one for every bar…. Err. and brewery… and pretty much anything that sold alcohol.”

“In where?”

“Ummm… Tamriel.”

“All of it?”

“Think so. Dunno.”

Ohhhh… my head.

“Is that Uriel Septim the VIIth (pronounced Viith) sitting on the couch eating popcorn?”

“Um… yes?”

“Why?”

“He want to watch Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon again.”

“Again?”

“Oh, sure. You invited him to come over about five years ago. He’s pretty regular here.”

“But we can’t take… he’s the… I don’t have a stasis pod to put him in.”

“Sokay.”

“Sokay? Howsokay?”

“Technically… he’s kinda dead.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah… Some crazy ass drunk Argonian lady wearing a Mythic Dawn cult uniform stabbed him.”

I looked down at my clothing “Sort of like this?”

“Yeah… looks about right.

“Wait… that means this is… fuck… 3E 433. Didn’t we arrive in 3E 427? That means there are 4 more years of this. Why am I back here?”

“Oblivion Crisis.”

“Oblivion Crisis?”

“Apparently. We got booted from the system. Been waiting to see if we can log back in.”

“How long?”

“Just 15 hours.”

“Huh.”

“Well, I guess if he’s comfy, he can stay there and veg all he wants.”

Zane pretty much nodded.

“If I ever think unending drinking binges with gods are cool again… hit me with something.”

“You got it, sis.”

WORLD 6: Post World part 2

“Thank Talos that’s over.”

“You say that as if you didn’t enjoy the Shivering Isles.”

“I didn’t enjoy the Shivering Isles. I was drunk. They made my head hurt. I was wearing Horsebarding, and nothing was making any sense.”

“Can’t say it wasn’t fun.”

“Can too… I think my hangover is hungover. I did not know it was possible to get that drunk… without being booze.”

“I had fun.”

“I’m happy for you.”

“You’re grumpy.”

“And your point is?”

“I think the Septim bloodline is secure.”

“You think? Viagra Potion plus every damned loose woman in the Empire. Uri liked to party.”

“Think he’ll be okay?”

“Well, no one knows he’s the ex-emperor. He’s 90 years old… what trouble can he get into?”

“I shudder to think of it.”

“Eh. Beats being dead.”

“True. Where’s next?”

“Someplace called The United Federation of Planets.”

“Oh? Oh dear.”

“Problem?”

“No, but I think we’re about to Boldly Go where no Lucario / Krogan / Khjit has gone before.”

“Shouldn’t that be Go Boldly?”

“Shadaap.”

WORLD 6+: The Warehouse Suites

“Zane?”

“Yeah Sis?”

“Didn’t we drop Uriel off in, what was it, Riften?”

“Yeah?”

“Then why is he in our living room watching FRIENDS?”

“He came back.”

“How?”

“Teleported, just like everyone but you does.”

“Ummm… but…”

“I didn’t ask.”

“Where’s he staying?”

“RV 3… but we could move him into the apartment building next door.”

“Th… what apartment building next door? There is NO next door! We’re in some kinda pocket reality!”

“Next door to the house, duh… Oh, yeah… While you was… umm… sleeping, another supplement arrived. I did it for you.”

“You… did it for me…”

“Yeah. I just thought, “What would an uptight little goofball who doesn’t know how to have fun if she’s not totally plastered do?” And hey, presto!”

“Hey… presto…”

“Yup.”

“If this is a joke, I’m going to throttle you.”

“Naw, don’t worry so much. It’s all stuff we coulda built ourselves, pretty much.”

“I have the utmost faith in you.”

“Thanks! Hey… wait a minute. You have faith in my good judgement or that I can fuck things up super bad?”

“Get back to me after I see what you did with the Apartment Building.”

Zane’s Log

So, like… I’m not good at this writing stuff down, but if I don’t, then Sis is gonna throttle me. We been together for thirty years. I think I got her pegged, right?

So, let’s see… it says “If you Build it, they will Come.” It’s got plans for a whole bunch of stuff, housing for extra companions and just, like people what want to tag along or something. None of its built or anything, so we’ll have to get materials and stuff. Let’s see, it covers a footprint of 45’x90’ and has hookups for water cause the warehouse does. If we want power, we’ll have to source it ourselves. That’s good. No wasted stuff there. And it has an automatic elevator for every floor we build.

Basically, it looks like this is mostly to add bedrooms and stuff. Nothing fancy like the rooms in the house, 1 for Sis, 8 for companions like me I guess, though I’m special acorse. Like AJ but, you know, more equal and stuff. Plus, I slept with Sis… okay, okay, it was before we jumped into those bodies, but that counts right? In fact, since we was twins in the Potterverse, we slept together a whole bunch before we jumped in… course that was, you know, platonic? Fraternal? Something. Not sexual or nothin’. Anyway the apartment building has more rooms for guests. Like Uriel or something I guess.

The Apartment building is 6 spaces per floor. 20 by 30, central hall is 5 feet across. Has an elevator, I said that… but it don’t go nowhere yet I guess. Every apartment we build comes with a Comp phone that maps the house and apartment and has its own number. That’s good, saves programming or what have you. We can upgrade with smartphones, but everyone gets a basic model… modle? how ever you spell that.

Huh… look at that. Says we’re supposed to have a week’s downtime between jumps. Weird. No one told Sis that. Says we can upgrade to a month. Course we ain’t ever used more than a day, so, eh. Oh, wait, the week thing is from this upgrade. Nice. Mustn’t forget to tell Sis.

We start with 250 Build Points, BP I guess. Oh. This is cool. All that Space [50BP] Makes Companion Rooms & Closets bigger on the inside and customizes the bathrooms. That’s a good one. God Room for Sis. Also bigger on the inside. She wants that… even though she doesn’t spend a whole lot of time in the House. Dunno why she’d want a magically growing bed. She only ever sleeps with Ziggy. Calls him her little teddy fuzz. Doesn’t look like a Teddyursa to me, but Sis is weird sometimes. [30BP]

Hmmm… Medical Facility [15BP]. Boosts the Medbay with more beds and puts it on the ground floor of the Building, but that takes two spaces. Still room for Uriel. Wait, Armory [10] takes up another space, but we need a place to show off our good gear instead of just pulling it out of crates in the Warehouse… and this will port them to us if we summon them. Accio Pulse Rifle! And Game Store [15BP] Hella yes. Buy and sell games from any Jump we pass through. Hobby shit too. Nicenice. Bookstore [15] is a ditto. General Store [15BP], Clothing Store [15BP] Sweet. It’s like. Umm… a mall! With people… person living in it. Wait, how many points do I got left? 85? Cool… lets see. And I used 7 rooms left of 6? But where’s Uriel gonna… Weird… oh… just got a notification that the elevator goes to the second floor now… huh… oh… look at that, there’s this… framework in blue lights. Okay. I should keep track of that.

Oh. Says we can move the pool inside the building… that’ll clear up some floor space. But naw… Excellent! Actual apartments! Says are 10 each… says we can cram up to 8 companions into each Apartment? Sweet. 8 Uriels… no, wait, that’s not how that works. I mean, 8 guests. Yeah, that’s what I mean. No… I think it means we can take 8 extra companions for each time we buy this. How many do we need? Hmmm… I’ll think about it… but at least 3 [30BP] (55/250).

Hmmm… Godly Kitchen improves the kitchen? How? We got all the appliances… wait… it says that simple foods can’t be ruined anymore. A kitchen that will stop Sis from burning the foods? No more crunchy ramen? Yes. Yes! Must have! [30BP?] (25/250) Who cares! Edible foods at last!

Still got more. Bathhouse? We got bathrooms already. Naw. I Need More Time [15BP] This way Sis has to spend time with everyone. And with all these extra mouths to feed, we need more foods. Two more food supplies is [10BP] Hah! And that’s it! I spented all da Choices!

***

I looked over Zane’s… notes… and the pamphlet… not bothering to tell him that “No Time To Waste”, the option that let me instantly trigger the next jump, was free. This was clearly important to him. I reached up and patted his head “You did good. Not exactly what I’d have spent the Choices on, but close enough.” I looked over at the ST:TOS Jump board and shrugged “We’ll worry about that in a couple of days. Let’s get our relaxation on. And… don’t worry. I’m not touching anything alcoholic. Not for at least a couple of years… or jumps. My head still hurts.”

Next: Jump #7

Resources: Jump Document, Jump Build, Housing Supplement

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